Writings

Reflections on Church Music Administration

As this academic year draws to a close, I look back on the path I am on and where I might be headed. Prior to this year, I spent some time outside of school trying to determine what God's plan for my life is. I was at a crossroads, with the choice of two areas of study. I had completed two years of college attempting two very different majors and came to the realization that I would need to choose one path to follow. Though difficult, I made the decision to pursue a music degree with concentrations in Church Music and Performance. Although, another thing I have learned is that the questions about where I am going and the decisions that will mark the path of my future do not relent and do not necessarily become easier.

A guiding passage of scripture in my life is Proverbs 16:9 which reads "The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps" (NRSV). Over the last year and a half I have been relying on God to direct my steps and be a guide to light me through a fog of sorts. As I mentioned, I chose to study Church Music thinking that perhaps this was a way for me to utilize my gifts for God. When the wind ensemble at school performed a transcription of Morton Lauridsen's "O Magnum Mysterium" there was another tug on my heart to become more active in this discipline. The following summer I talked with my pastor about starting up the church choir again and enrolled in a conducting course at school. The experience in conducting that choir has been very rewarding and I look forward to the work ahead of me.

This last Spring I had been in a class, "Church Music Administration" in which we discussed various issues surrounding the role of a church musician and the role of music in the church. These discussions were thoughtful, genuine, and at times difficult. I now find myself aware of the opportunities that there are as well as the challenges that come with such a position. As a result, I am even more excited about what God has in store for me in church music and anxious to serve in that area. However at the same time there is apprehension and uncertainty about the immediate steps I must now take. I will return to this later.

Early in the semester we discussed various aspects of worship and were asked to consider questions that previously I had not considered. We compared arguments for traditional and contemporary worship styles as well as various elements of worship music such as inclusive language and the worship environment. These discussions were very helpful in forming our feelings toward what worship should be. Although it's these kind of questions that one does not find absolute answers to necessarily and especially not within a short time. I am sure that my feelings in this area will evolve over time as my experience grows.

During the class we also discussed various technical, organizational, and logistical aspects of church music. We learned about planning worship services which is a critical skill. We discussed certain legal issues including music copyrights, et cetera. We had a series of discussions on different instruments and tools that the church musician must be familiar with. We each gave presentations on various elements including percussion, piano, organ, voice, sound equipment, and conducting. These short primers were very helpful in giving us an overview of what we needed to know to properly manage the technical tasks of a church musician. I'm sure I will refer back to my notes a few times early in my ministry.

Later in the semester one class was spent discussion spiritual issues. This was a difficult discussion in which we were all asked to search ourselves and think about our Christian identity. In this area we all have strengths and weaknesses as well as different approaches to such things as prayer, bible study, and worship. This was a very imporrtant and effective discussion which reminded us of the spiritual aspects of being a church musician. As much as this is a musical role, it is also a ministerial role. To be in a pastoral position even as a church musician, one must take care to maintain a positive spiritual life. I was personally reminded of some areas in which I need to improve. Right now I can't really picture myself in a ministerial or pastoral role on the staff of a church. This is not to say that I don't consider myself "Christian enough" for such a role or that such a role is to be revered as extra-spiritual. Presently this is more an issue of self-perception. I can see myself becoming comfortable in a role of a minister of music. I think it could be exciting and a healthy challenge. I think it is something I would become comfortable with over time though.

Now that the class is over I am considering where I go next and how I utilize the skills I've gained. We have learned of the opportunities available in church music which have been especially helpful in providing the outlook for a church musician. As a natural extension to the church music study of this last semester, I have enrolled in a 'Church Music Practicum' for next fall. This practicum will allow me to develop skills and gain experience in working with a church in a real-world setting. I look forward to this and think it will be a great experience. Although, where that experience will take place is now the question before me.

Early in this last Spring semester, we were each asked if we were tied to our denominations because that would ultimately affect where we serve as a church musician. I answered that I was willing to leave the denomination I've known all my life, The Assemblies of God. Later in the semester I began to realize that there is going to be a lingering question, a significant decision for me to make in the near or distant future. That decision is when or if to leave my home church. Planning for this upcoming practicum has made this question much more immediate, and I'm finding myself unprepared to answer it.

On one hand I have considered that I am spending four years in college studying this profession and will naturally want to pursue either a full or part time position as a minister of music after I graduate. My home church does not currently have a position for a church musician and thus far I have doated my time in conducting and organizing the church choir over the last year. On the other hand, I find that it is difficult to use money as a deciding factor of where to go to church. Although I am then reminded of our financial discussions in Church Music Administration and the recurring theme of "You are Worth It." It's just a cold hard fact that money is a necesitiy, and if my parents and I are spending so much money on an education in church music, it follows that I should be employed in such a position after school. About three-fourths through the semester I began thinking of the ramifications of all this. I thought how difficult it would to be leave the only church family I've ever known, to leave a hole that may not be able to be filled. The professor suggested that at the point where I become 'bitter' is the appropriate time to leave and go somewhere where I would be compensated. I'm not sure how close I am to being bitter, but with opportunities surrounding me it will definitely be something I need to thoroughly consider. Well, as these questions first came to mind I was able to have some solace in thinking that I might not have to deal with them for a little while. I'm finding out now that I don't have that luxury.

I met with my professor yesterday to briefly discuss how we might structure my practicum or internship for next Fall. He flat out told me that I need to decide whether to stay at my current church or leave it. It was when he said the words "leave the church" that the idea hit home. That phrase sounds so terrible, yet maybe it's necessary for me. He said that there are things we could do at my church or investigate any of a number of offers avilable elsewhere. He suggested that I would "benefit more" from serving a different congregation. There are some things holding me back though, clear obstacles that I would need to overcome if I decide to "leave".

I play drums every Sunday at my current church. If I happen to miss a week or two I definitely hear about it next time. Every couple weeks I am reminded by some of the congregation how much they appreciate it. So then what happens if the drums stop playing indefinitely? What if I wouldn't be able to find a replacement? I would not want to upset them if the drums suddenly became silent. Also, I re-organized the disbaded choir last Fall, and we have performed twice: for Christmas and the following Easter. If I leave the church, they will have no one to lead them. I think I would feel some guilt after bringing them together for just one year and then leaving them with no one to lead. It had been two years before then that the church had been without a choir. Another thing to consider is that I don't want to be viewed as leaving them purely because I found a 'better offer' in that the internship would be paid. I would not want them to take such a decision on my part personally. And finally, I have a lot invested into my current church. I know the people, have been very active in various things, and have defined a role and identity for myself within that congregation. On the other hand, I don't want pride or fear to prevent me from realizing my potential in the field of church music.

This brings me back to the question I mentioned earlier, whether we are willing to leave our denomination. When I answered yes to this question I didn't give it a second thought. Perhaps the generalization of "denomination" rather than "congregation" softened the blow, so to speak. I think I could benefit from serving a different congregation. We were reminded in class a couple times that a church musician often will not stay at the same church indefinitely, and that there comes a point where he or she must decided if it's the right time to move on. My current church isn't perfect. There are a lot of things I really like about it, and then there are certain philosophical differences I have with some of the membership which can cause strain. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think that a different consistent church experience could help in my Christian development as well as help me to prepare for a future role as a minister of music.

I'm not sure where I stand right now, but I will have to decide soon. My professor has asked me to let him know within a week of my decision so that he can look into opportunities for the fall. I have to think how I would break the news and how it would be accepted. I am very close to the people in my church. Would they be disappointed (and not show it) or would they be genuinely happy for me? This is a lot for me to pray about in the next week. As I said before, the questions have not become easier and the signs on this crossroads any more legible. I'm hoping that God will direct my steps in the right direction and that I not be guided solely by personal ambition or by inhibitions. I feel very blessed to have the opportunities I have and feel I have greatly benefited by the self-examination and other studies that have been a part of this Church Music Administration class. It has helped me to be more familiar with what church music is all about and has caused me to consider what role I have in church music. Now I just await God's direction...